Perceptions

Originating as I do from the UK, for many years I was lumbered with a concrete overcoat, which has always been a wearisome burden, that of having culturally indoctrinated perceptions.  Such things as class, gender, sexuality were always dogmatic and cast in stone.  And as I grew up, it was always about 'knowing your place', which in my case was very working class, very homophobic, and doffing my non-existent cloth cap to 'my betters'.

Upon such 'wonderful' foundations, moulded and shaped by centuries of unremitting ridiculous propaganda, the fog eventually lifted from the no longer young shoulders, the blindness healed by a highly intelligent and immensely beautiful, inside and out, individual, who it was my incredibly good fortune to meet at college.  This truly delightful individual began to teach me the 'essence of value'.  Prior to this my one guiding light was my dearly missed, and utterly beloved dad, who departed this life some 39 years ago; an exceptional man who's loss still remains painful, the more so having only blessed this earth for 36 years.  At the age of 14 I lost the one role model, full of wisdom and strength, that's so vital to curbing the excessive zeal of the troublesome teens, that often sees many fall by the wayside.

For many years, too many in hindsight, life was a struggle in every sense of the word, the lack of what many would call 'success', of never knowing what my particular potential was, of drifting aimlessly through life, never really having any direction in which to head.  When I occasionally headed off to what might be  euphemistically called  'life with a sense of purpose', I inevitably found nothing of the sort.  All that I found was more of the same that I was trying to escape from in the first place.  Maybe that has something to do with a 'self-fulfilling prophesy' in part, but I'm more inclined to believe it's got more to do with the perception others have had of me, and almost certainly still do.

Time, however short it is, still leaves its indelible mark in some way.  Thus it comes as no real surprise that the vast majority can only cope with that brief amount of time by shoving everything into a box of one label or another.  This is not to say that we shouldn't have an opinion about things that matter to us, passion comes from that, but to simply 'label' someone because they're different, because they don't cosily fit into a certain perception is wrong.  I say wrong because 'labelling' does more to cause conflict and unhappiness in the world than anything else I know, or ever have known.

Let me for a moment turn to myself and say this about my character.  Because I'm quiet, reserved, even introspective, some will say I'm odd, antisocial, and cold.  Yet the opposite can be far truer, for it's been said by others, when I'm occasionally in company, that I'm very funny, easy to get on with, good company.  I make people smile, laugh and feel good.  Yet, I'm still me, reserved, introspective, strange, with very little to say verbally.  Then there's the challenge that I'm not passionate, or filled with passion.  If by that it's meant that I don't jump up and down like some demented banana high on crack cocaine, then they would be perfectly correct.  Yet my paintings are full of passion, my writing has its moments.  I've seen the destructiveness of passion, the hurt it causes, the damage it inflicts, and the pain it leaves behind.  But still the world swallows the notion that without the outward show of a 'belly filled with fire', then all else is, by definition, boring. to be avoided; a sad misconception if ever there was one.

For example, I had this exchange on Twitter Saturday, with an individual, who is often forthright in her own particular 'world view.'  I don't know this individual personally, nor am I ever likely to because we both move in 'different' worlds.  Out of respect, and because I'd find it personally an unacceptable invasion of privacy to say who the individual is, I'll simply refer to them as 'Lady K'.

Lady K: 'I really don't care about $ or men with $..I LOVE men with TALENT and abundant life force..most men over 40 go comatose..just my observation'....who went on to add...


'I don't want a man who "listens" and is "calm" grrrr...I want a man who is on fire and is wild and funny and is BRAVE..I love BRAVE men'

Toni Bryan: 'Strange how many women have been abandoned by 'wild' men, but cry on the shoulder of a man who listens & is calm.'

Lady K: 'OK..TRUER words were never spoken..'

It's all in the perception!

And so to bring this up to date, my dear, dear friends look at me and no doubt despair of me at times, and yet though all of us are immensely different in many ways, each of us accepts the other for who they are.  We don't look at the 'label', we look at the individual.  I somehow think that the world would be a better place if we took the time to remove our heads from where the sun never shines, and started seeing the daylight a little more often.