Nick & Jenny 1

I'm being a man...whilst enduring a bout of the flu!

I'm being such a man at the moment, full of self pity and feeling very sorry for myself due to a bad dose of flu.  Why I should be afflicted with the flu is anyone's guess, not that I'm in any way wishing to have any kind of philosophical or medical discussion about it.

That aside, although any sympathetic female who wishes to be Florence Nightingale for an hour or so is more than welcome to mop my brow, providing she doesn't mind there's a distinct possibility she might get the dreaded lurgy as a reward.  As for entering into any sort of meaningful conversation is nigh on impossible due to the repetitious monotone of my voice declaring to the world 'O woe is me, woe is me!  Forsooth I not be far from kicking the bucket!'

Of course, in that time honoured fashion that the male species finds incredibly amusing, yes Tony jr and Dino I'm publicly naming you, they both think it's highly hilarious to make me laugh and then listen to me collapse into a coughing fit, which registers 6.5 on the Richter scale.  With friends and sons like this, who needs enemies.  Yes, I know that I'm moaning but I'm allowed, after all you're not suffering as I am, not that I'd want you to....unless you're Tony and Dino and then I can ignore my more gentler side for a while.

The only good thing to come out of this, is that I can lie on the sofa and watch endless old movies, blasts from the past, ones that moulded the young idiot into an even older one.  If nothing else, whilst I'm dying from flu, anything that placates the mind and causes me to ignore the snuffles can only be a good thing.  Besides the good thing for you is that I'm not prattling on about the British general election, which this time round has stirred my long lost interest in British politics, apart from always having an interest in Scotland finally becoming free of those south of the border.

There I'll leave it until next time, when hopefully I'll be feeling much better and I can carry on drivelling on endlessly about nothing in particular.  Oh my poor nose, does a river really run as fast as you do?

Welcome to the new look!

I'm sure that the changes to the blog will come as a bit of a shock, not least the colour scheme and the new layout.  Be that as it may, and by now I hope the surprise has lessened a little, in line with my more cheery outlook I've decided to brighten things up a bit.

I've been mulling over the changes for a while and at 1:30am on a Sunday morning I finally got on with it, resulting in a colour scheme that resembles the sun on a drug induced high.  My reasons for the change are simple, I wanted some colour, so that all of the text and images stood out and you could see things more clearly.  The one thing that did concern me about the previous layout was that it appeared washed out and looked confusing, to my eyes at least.  I think that everything is much better defined and easier on the eye.  Let me know if you agree or disagree with the new changes and layout.

As for my recently published book, 'Nick & Jenny', I'd be grateful if you could mention it to your families, friends, people at work and so on.  I might also add that I hope to publish my next book, 'Danny's Navel Adventure' in June/July time.  Danny's Navel Adventure is a comedy about a man who goes off into the world to find answers to the one question that bothered him, whether or not he'd ever been in love.  The final draft has now been done, and apart from designing a front cover and a few cosmetic changes it is finished.

Ok, just a quickie for this posting and I'll catch up with you soon.  Take care, and remember to keep smiling!

General election & a dream coming true!

The past week has seen me not getting to bed much before 2am everyday, waking up 5 hours later, completely dishevelled and looking like a zombie, which isn't all that newsworthy in the great scheme of things.  Of course the news from Britain is that Gordon Brown, a dour Scot who wanted to climb Arthur's seat in Edinburgh, got lost on the way there and somehow ended up becoming the British prime minister.  So the moral of the tale is, if you want to avoid becoming prime minister, don't lose your way when going to Arthur's seat.

Yes, another general election, when all the senior politicians will pose in front of cameras, trying their hardest to appear as matronly as possible whilst at the same time falling over themselves to become the butt of many fashion jokes.  Men get off easily, wearing as they do those boring dark suits by Armani, Boss etc, and so remain as bland and banal as ever.  The politician is no different to the banker, in for what they can get, whilst refusing to give anything out.  The thing is though we know that we can't trust bankers, but we should be able to trust politicians.  Alas poor politician, I never knew him that well, so it's hardly surprising that politicians, on the hustings, standing proudly on soap boxes, mingling with real folk, want to get away to play a bit of a blinder and get elected to 'serve' the needs of the electorate; which is nonsense in the vast majority of cases.

There are some very good politicians, but these are generally too busy doing the work they were elected to do and so don't get much of a mention.  The problem with political life is that to get known you have to enter the dog fighting arena, or should that be the 'cock pit', where an uncanny ability to blow your own trumpet helps enormously.  Sadly, the most successful politicians seem to be those not doing the things they were elected for.  But anyway, the next few weeks will see the media feeding frenzy, which will be stuffing itself on a vast amount of inconsequential rubbish, no doubt helped along by an amount of hot air dangerously close to melting more of the arctic ice cap, which in turn will threaten the good people of Greenland as it becomes ever more liable to disappear due to rising sea levels.

On a more personal note, having finally got my book published, click here for a copy, I've sold a few and whilst I'm as much in the dark about what people like to read as the next man, I've already received some wonderful feedback about it.  Clearly I'm under no illusions that this book is likely to make my fortune, but it somehow makes you feel that you're contributing to someone's life in a positive way.  As my son, Tony, pointed out last night good reviews are one thing but also bad reviews are a possibility too; yes, my son likes to keep his dad's size nines firmly planted, and rightly so.  So bad reviews will come and I don't really mind that providing it's constructive because that always helps, no matter how negative it might appear.  Besides my ego's not that big and I'm unlikely to use the self destruct button at worse, or for that matter run naked around the city shouting 'Woe is me, woe is me' or some other fanciful quote from 17th century England.

However, as a final note, and now I'm having to market the book which for me is an oxymoron, no idea what it means but I've always liked the word, I would ask all of you to spread the word and ask friends etc to download the free sample of the book, it only takes a couple of minutes.  Or if you're feeling generous and want to see this old miserable git move ever closer to his ultimate dream of following the one love he can aspire to and achieve, then please buy it.  I've left the price of the book low, so that I don't have to compete against the price of a starbucks coffee.

Many thanks everyone who has supported me, and helped make a lifelong dream happen.  From little acorns do mighty oak trees grow, or in my case 'From wriggling tadpoles to who ate all the pies' hell, he needs to do something to help him smile! :-)

I'm living the dream

Well I could crush a grape!  After 4 decades, it sounds so much better than 40 years, I've finally become a published author.  Yes, those long, far off days when I was still a child, scribbling away on scraps of toilet paper, inventing all kinds of weird and wonderful worlds, where I was so free and there was nothing but mythical goodness around me, I've finally got there!

At the moment I'm too tired to let this sink in and enjoy it for the triumphant moment it undoubtedly is.  As I discovered last night, where I didn't get to bed until 5am this morning, followed by 5 or 6 hours of disturbed sleep, the wait for publishing acceptance was full of nervous anticipation.  The only thing I can liken it too is awaiting the birth of my son Tony Jr, but even here that particular event seemed less stressful; perhaps that has something to do with being present at the birth and watching the whole process.

So there we are, I'm an author and whilst I accept that I'm unlikely to be as mighty as the great Hemingway, as a first published novel I'm happy with it.  Of course we now enter the world of reader reviews, critics and I dare say some comments which aren't complimentary, but I've done it!  And the one thing that can't be taken away is the fulfillment of a young child's dream against all the odds.

And now I've got the bit between the teeth, said the old nag on its way to the knackers yard, whilst I can still breath there's still life in the old dog, I just love idioms, and the next book is already being worked on and the final draft written. What I can say at this stage, is that the second novel is a comedy and much different to the first.

Thanks again to everyone who's congratulated me, I really do appreciate the kind words. Oh and as a final bit of good news within a few hours of being published the book had already begun to stimulate some interest.  If you are one of those individuals who has shown an interest, I thank you.

Now I'm off to some well earned rest, coffee and food!

Obama 1...Toni 1....a happy draw!

I realise that it's been a while since my last blog entry, 2 March, and I apologise to my long suffering, but loyal, readers for my absence.  The reason for my absence is due to illness, that and having a brain which turned into a watery mess of epic proportions, and which couldn't, for love or money, string a sentence together longer than two words and which included 'idiot'.  To some this may well indicate that I've finally become coherently fluent in my use of the English language; to others it may well confirm I've finally gone gaga.

The good news today is that the USA has finally got over itself and President Obama has succeeded in getting through his health reforms.  It has always struck as somewhat perverse that the richest country on earth, until now, never had universal health care.  Maybe that's due to my never having to go without health care when I needed it and at virtually no cost.  Of course you can argue that state run health services are deficient in one way or another, but as decent, affordable health care is a basic need I can't agree that it should be denied to those who need it simply because they don't have the necessary health insurance, or because that health insurance is cancelled due to reasons of cost.  Anyway, congratulations President Obama and all those voted for the health care reforms.

On a much happier note, despite the drastic need for sleep having been up until 3am the past few nights, I've almost completed all the preparations I need to make for publishing my book, 'Nick & Jenny'.  At the moment it will only be published in ebook form, and hopefully in time it will be published in print form.  When it's published details will be given as soon as I have them so you can get your copy.  I will also give details about the cost of the ebook then; as for the price of the ebook itself, I'm trying to keep the cost as low as possible but this depends on the publisher.

In a way, once published, the book fulfills a lifelong dream I've always had, but until now never thought for one moment it could ever happen.  Will this be my one and only book?  No, there are further manuscripts waiting for the final draft to be completed.  As for the future direction of my writing, I would hope it never gets stuck in one sort of genre, and that if my writing apprenticeship has taught me anything over the last decade, it is I'll write whatever concerns me at the time.

There I'll leave it as it's getting late again, and I must be getting tired as the Beatles are sounding good on the radio.  Have fun whatever you're doing when you read this.  And keep smiling...unless you want to lose weight, in which case frowning and being miserable burns more calories.

Living the life of a turnip!

One of the most useful things I ever learnt at university was the value of having a period of time set aside so I became 'brain dead'.  During this particular time, normally coinciding with the early evening's soap operas between 5.30pm and 8pm, I would stare at the television and submerge myself in a world of complete banality, so inane and splendidly abandoning any thought of real consequence.  Such a scene could be best described as a turnip limply lounging about in true couch potato style.

But such salad days are long gone, yet the urge to take the time out remains, if only to escape the dreariness of coping with an increasingly hostile world.  Hostile in the sense that no matter the personal or professional accomplishments, the latter by far more revered or scorned by others than the former, these will never be enough and like any pugilist only as good as the last win in the boxing ring. Yet the search continues that fulfills the desire to avoid life as we know it!

Which brings me to a continuing fascination with that ever growing social networking monster, Facebook.  To be sure Facebook has its critics, but millions of users can't be wrong and apart from its obvious strength of being able to reconnect people, it's a place full of things that enable you to become a very happy turnip again.  Now I realise there are many who have no desire to be, or become, a turnip; but the fact remains if being a turnip is not your thing, you can become a hunky swede, a saucy tomato or a pickled cabbage.  And don't let anyone tell you any different, it's fun!

At a purely academic, therefore at the onset of becoming cerebrally challenged, level Facebook represents some form of anarchist utopia, underpinned by wonderful delusions of gloriously psychotic granduer, which is firmly anchored in a model of Marxist revolution.  Join and you never become homeless, never made redundant, have a never ending supply of money, everyone is equal, and if so inclined you can wander around the place in various states of outrageous undress.  You can become transgendered, mincing it up so much that any hetrosexual neanderthal man would be proud to call you 'mate'.

But it's becoming a turnip again that is fascinating, because no matter how hard you try to take it seriously, Facebook jumps up and bites yer bum when you least expect it.  Lonely?  Visit 'YoVille', meet in the courtyard and chat aimlessly with a rather funky human cartoon, until they bore the crap out of you.  Not an ounce of conscience is felt when he dumps she and she dumps him.  Wave the magic wand and zap the living daylights out of someone who is being immensely boorish, sexist, racist and every obnoxious form of human delight.  Still not happy, then follow the arrows and end up at the beach and make whoopee by throwing water balloons at others.  Still bored, go big game fishing and look out for several out of work shark actors on the prowl for a free lunch.  That doesn't do it for you?  There's always the fun of motobike racing, gambling at the casino, adopting a pet, buying a bigger pad so you've got more space to rest your weary turnip head. 

It rocks being a turnip!