I'm GIMPing this week!

Having now almost recovered from a cronky back, it only complains bitterly when I do the food shopping, which is as good an excuse to follow a diet as I can come up, I'm back to exercising the body dubious. If nothing else I'll be the body beautiful by the time it's too late. Although I will say, being an Englishman, it's quite a novelty prancing around in the birthday suit, I never knew there was so much freedom to be had! in terms of political ideology I still haven't worked out yet whether I'm swinging to the left, the right or happier being in the centre; Oh well!

Enough of this drivel, he says dribbling down his chin. I'm still in a state of suspended animation as to where I should be taking this blog. As it's been some time, for which I'm getting as tired as you with me rabbiting on about nothing in particular; unless something's got my back up, or put it out as the case may be. I'm still toying with ideas, but no further forward in coming to a decision. I'll admit I'm being indecisive, not much helped by contemplating whether taking a long run off a short bridge will help my lack of manhood.

But I do feel a change in direction is required. Happily for me my creative urges are beginning to thrust to the fore and I've just discovered that GIMP can do far more than my undeveloped brain can cope with. GIMP is an advanced image manipulation program that can do the normal editing things we all do when playing around with digital photos we've put on our computer hard drives. But yesterday I discovered I can do the same kind of things I do as a matter of course when editing with Final Cut Express and laying images, still or moving, on top of each other. Best of all GIMP is free, yes I've linked to the website again, just in case you missed it the first time; nice to know you're not paying too much attention to a raving old git.

I've no idea how GIMP fares against programs such as Photoshop (Adobe) and Aperture (Apple), I've not used either, but they cost a bucketful of bucks although reading lots of homework, yes I'm also a boring old git who's gone geeky, GIMP is on a par or better than either of them. I really don't know which is the best, but as GIMP IS FREE and it does me, that's about as good a recommendation as it gets! Sadly the two photos I manipulated yesterday involved friends so are not for public consumption, but I'll continue to play and see what I can do.

If anyone reading this, I live in eternal hope being born an optimist, would like me to combine 2 photos together e.g. you in front of a building, scenery, landscape etc, or combine two elements together, please send them to 'englishsupport.de@googlemail.com': there will be no charge it's practice for me. Please send only JPEG images, along with a short description of what you're looking for in terms of a finished photo.

However, to gain access to this potentially excellent offer you will have to subscribe to this blog, and follow me; carrot and stick might work. And if you haven't spent a few moments watching my first short film, why not? I've had some excellent feedback about it from those who've watched it, Thank you and you know who you are! Don't forget to leave your comments!

Coming out of the closet!

I've just finished a late breakfast, well it is Saturday morning, and I'm feeling rather silly for no other reason it takes my mind off the very sore butt I'm now squashing into the office chair. Yes, you read correctly, Toni's vast acreage is suffering from a very naughty attack by an unknown, but large, source of fetish desire.


I dare say you've now got your mind buried deep in some god awful cesspit, containing the leftovers of....no, I refuse to go there...I'm not joining you...I'm staying here, in the chair, feeling sorry for my poor, badly abused bottom. Please have a little sympathy for my bum, after all it's the result of the dickheads, who think it's funny to make me bend over, double up, in some sort of frenzy of ribaldry. God I'm suffering this morning!

My guess, at this point in time, is that you're sitting there, lying there, or whatever position you find yourself in, thinking that I've come out of the closet, some thinking finally, and I'm now mincing around like a born again smoker, high on nicotine for the first time in twenty years; and like all born again wannabees, is making whoopee at discovering freedom from sin makes you a happy, and unconfused, chappie.

Sadly, for those inclined to always think the worst of people, especially me, I started my exercise regime this morning and my bottom is suffering from too much clenching and thrusting. I'm not sure how much more my poor derriere can take. I think I'm going through another mid-life crisis!

Monday afternoon waffle!

A few weeks ago I had a rant against the world, largely due to what I thought was an injustice, someone who was likely to be denied the opportunity to improve their English because of the horrifically low level of salary they were getting. In the end the individual and I agree to my solution to the problem, which was happily accepted by the individual in question. Yet here we are three weeks later, only one lesson taken and appointments continually missed by the said individual. I've done what I hate doing and withdrawn my offer of help.

Of course it saddens me that no matter how hard you personally try to make a tiny part of life more accessible and enlightening for others, you still get your butt kicked for the effort. Not particularly thinking about this particular story, I wrote yesterday '...it's very peculiar that humans love to be around success, but only the rare one helps someone actually achieve it.' I've taken this out of context, but it remains all too true regardless of the context. Such a thought makes you question your own particular responses to other events in your life, and think about the times you've been a cussing SOB when someone has offered their hand out in friendship and you've refused because of a stubborn streak of pride. I suppose it all comes down to swings and roundabouts, and history having a very uncanny knack for repeating itself. But I remain sad because I wasn't able to help someone, even though I have the knowledge and passion to open the door a little further.


I was talking to my son this morning, waffling as we do in our normally relaxed manner, bouncing ideas off each other with regard to his business and my own future plans. At the moment I've come up with an idea that has some 'legs' to it, and in time will enable me to move in a direction that I'm excited about. At this stage it's just an idea, although most of the things needed are already to hand and in place; that is apart from a particular piece of technology, the 'right camera'. Now I realise that minds will be going ten to the dozen and no doubt full of smutty innuendo when I say 'camera'; shame on you! Nothing could be further from the truth, but needless to say the 'right camera' is a must for the idea to come to fruition.


I've spent hours doing the necessary research on the Internet and I'm no further forward than when I started out, well that's not strictly true because one of the things I have discovered, and please feel free to correct me, is that it is virtually impossible to hook up an HD camcorder to either a pc or mac, and use it as a webcam. Use a webcam, no problem, well apart from the poor colour, the awful streamed picture, the lack of autofocus or variable focus, the lack of a wideangle lens, no aperture control, poor mic, and so on; all of which is easily accomplished with an HD camcorder. I'd be grateful if anyone reading this, who is technically superior to my poor self, can leave a comment on how to achieve the impossible. Sadly it seems, based on this particular experience, there is a massive gap in camcorder technology that needs to be filled, post haste! As always, my books can be found to the right hand side of this blog, along with my very first short film, which has recieved a few comments already. When watching the film, you can find it on the right hand side, just remember that it's an experiment and wonderfully reflects my own surreal thinking, which according to a couple of comments lost them in what I was trying to say; another comment wondered if the film was about a pink sky. How true it is you have to suffer for your art!


Finally, thank you to 'Almost Precious' for adding her comments, always nice to hear from fellow bloggers. If you've got a few minutes go to her blog and check out her handmade jewellery, scrumptious might be an apt word to describe her wares.

The Unknown Musician...and other bits and bobs.

I think a change might be a good idea, writing this blog that is, but like all great minds, I love myself, I think I'm important and it's my blog, to which we have to ask what has brought on this point of concern. Well I've  re-read some of my recent blogs and it would appear that I was slowly, if not quickly, heading towards the place where the sun never shines; which considering how big my head seems to be getting, a painfully tight place to squeeze into. Naw, not going there, horrible thought.  Anyway, I'll ponder awhile yet but you can always leave any suggestions, in the comments box below, that might come to mind.

Well I've finally finished my short film 'The Unknown Musician', and whilst I'm the first to admit that it won't win any cinematic prizes there's an enormous sense of accomplishment in having completed the film, having started with virtually no real knowledge of how to put footage together, and more importantly how to edit it. Of course having watched it, some of you might well say that I still don't, but you can't compare my work to that of Paul Hogan, Martin Scorsese, Quentin Tarantino or Alfie Hitchcock, as I'm in a league of my own. I'm almost sure that one of the questions loudly or silently asked, will be 'What the bloody hell is it about?' In answer I'm almost certain when viewed by the 'fairer' sex they'll get it, the 'unfairer' sex unlikely to; but you never know how wrong I can be. However, and I know that I'm repeating myself, mostly due to the onions last night in a salad, it's no shame for this old dog to brazenly admit he's still capable of learning some new tricks, and as I don't need Viagra so none in that direction. But I willingly and happily doff my flat cap to the many unknown American youngsters out there on youtube who've taught me much about Final Cut Express 4 and how to edit. Most of the time ancient gits like you, and on occasion I, moan, groan, pull faces and generally react negatively, badly, and stubbornly towards teenagers for being royal pains in the butt. Yet over the past weeks the one thing I've learnt above all else is there's a generation out there who are willing to 'give' selflessly on a regular basis. Ok, you can look at their particular activities and wonder what kind of education system the developed world has, but it's been a real pleasure for me to take on board their veritable fonts of individual wisdom, saving me an enormous amount of time and wasted effort. I'm not going to salute the American flag, well not until they pay their back taxes to the British people, but I will gladly salute American kids and say 'THANK YOU!' And one final 'thank you' goes to my dear friend, Stefan Kachel, for making my journey into film making that much easier; no, I wasn't going to take all the responsibility for inflicting myself on the world.

The other good news of sorts is that interest in my novel 'Nick & Jenny' still continues with more downloaded samples and purchases, which pleases me enormously and helps the budding author to carry on budding like the little flower I am. I refuse to take myself seriously, and if I choose to be a little flower then there are worse things than being a pansy. And there upon that particular note I'll leave you to pop over to the right to discover my fantastic new blockbuster 'The Unknown Musician'.