Now available to watch on YouTube my latest film and the kids will love it! http://www.youtube.com/user/tonibryan1 http://bit.ly/ebVSas

Boycott the products of Kraft & Cadbury's http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2010/dec/03/kraft-cadbury-move-slash-tax http://bit.ly/hhGv1I

There's only one thing worse than Xmas....death! http://bit.ly/hP6HNZ

It's only when you do something for yourself, do you actually realise how much work's involved! http://bit.ly/eAW1Dm

A Christmas Tale now showing here! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hQ6IwgGBKw http://bit.ly/dXD1L5

A Christmas Tale now showing here! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hQ6IwgGBKw http://bit.ly/f3YTMX

Website, www.englishsupportservices.com, now updated and improved. http://bit.ly/idAZTa

Happy now classical music is on and my toes are warm! http://bit.ly/eQZQH1

In 40mins my 1st homemade chicken & leek soup of the winter...yummy yum yum! http://bit.ly/fFUD5l

Just returned from the Xmas market...it's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it http://bit.ly/fbYFad

You can open the door to passion, but can you teach it? http://bit.ly/fc1k1c

Sadly, it's that time of year when the streets become full of tourists and the Xmas market opens...god I'm depressed! http://bit.ly/gXsDGT

Happy Thanksgiving! Not so happy for turkeys though! http://bit.ly/eLcBvA

Canada at its most wild & seductive best: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfFpRPOIF3U http://bit.ly/cbqt6b

O the joys of a Monday, especially after a relaxing weekend, highly intent on doing everything and accomplishing so little. Still the good news is that my latest iMovie trailer is up on my YouTube channel and can be found to the right of this magnificent blog of nothingness.

Whilst I take little pleasure in proclaiming myself as the originator of such trailers, the content is mine which makes it half original. And if you can pull yourself away from whatever you're doing and spend a couple of minutes watching them, leave comments, rate and subscribe to the channel I'd appreciate it; it's always nice to hear what others think of the work you do.

Of course, having now done the trailer for 'Penguin Amore!' I'm working on the actual film and ran up against my ambitious nature yesterday. I've no doubts lurking around the deepest recesses of my dark imagination, dying to be freed from the straightjacket it's enrobed by, there's a Hitchcockian weirdo desperately seeking a way to come up for air. Since I started using my 'professional' editing program, Final Cut Express 4, or FCE4, my tendency is to run faster than I can crawl. Which is a little frustrating at times, but the saving grace is YouTube.

It makes you wonder, doesn't it, how we managed to survive without YT only five years ago. The same could be said of Skype, although in the case of Skype this seems to be on the move away from being 'free' towards some kind of payment system. Skype have released their Skype 5 in beta and have offered it for a free trial period, which means that charges will apply once it goes 'live'. I love Skype for many reasons and have always found it superior to the vast majority of personal web 'conferencing' programmes that get attached to MSN, Yahoo; AOL etc. But the Internet and the vast number of incredibly selfless individuals making software for us to use, will no doubt ensure that the 'distribution of wealth' and services will carry on regardless and eventually Skype will go the way as others have done before them. In anticipation of that sad day, you might want to check out this site 'MeBeam'. It's similar to Skype in the kind of web 'conferencing' service it provides, but at the moment is a far more basic version and doesn't offer the same level of integration that Skype does.

Finally, every Monday deserves a bit of good news and I'm pleased to see that from a slow start both my books combined have surpassed the 100 in downloads and sales. To those that have contributed to this 'success' I thank you. To those who have yet to 'discover' me the links to where you can download and buy the books are on the righthand side.

Have a good week, and try to remember that no matter how much life annoys you, smile!

'One Man & His Audi' has been uploaded to my YouTube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/tonibryan1 http://bit.ly/bw4q9J

A sad but moving tribute to a lost friend: http://vimeo.com/channels/hd#8191217 http://amplify.com/u/f3kg

Awesome video, check it out! http://vimeo.com/15691345 http://amplify.com/u/f3jm

Discover 'Penguin Amore!' on YouTube: http://bit.ly/cOzdkS http://amplify.com/u/f2j9

If you're feeling blue, watch this! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muc0kaQtCMU http://amplify.com/u/f2j7

'Penguin Amore!' - The trailer has been uploaded to YouTube: http://bit.ly/cOzdkS http://amplify.com/u/eui6

On the bright side I've composed my very 1st piece of music 'Requiem for El Tora'. On the downside I'm having a problem saving it so I can upload it Time for a break I think! http://amplify.com/u/eozj

Just a few more weeks and the horrible Xmas market will be in town, along with thousands of god awful gawking tourists Bah bloody humbug! http://amplify.com/u/eokm

Fantastic news, my 2 books have broken the 100 mark in downloads & sales. Thank you everyone for your support! https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/11688 http://amplify.com/u/enh5

No matter how hard you try to ignore the obvious, certain things will always influence your creativity, quietly arousing your inner passions and freeing the thoughts within. http://amplify.com/u/en16

After all the fanfare of Apple's iLife '11, adding a photo into iMovie's film trailer project is a problem. Any ideas peeps? http://amplify.com/u/emmb

For the latest Guardian Top 10 of Viral Vids visit http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/pda/2010/nov/05/viral-video-andy-irons-surf http://amplify.com/u/em8x

Ramsey Lewis 'Wade in the water', they don't make them like that anymore, I'm a dancin' as I type! Coool babe! http://amplify.com/u/el9t

One is delighted that readers are interested in my book, so thank you for the fantastic response to downloading my book, 'Nick & Jenny': https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/11688 http://amplify.com/u/ekpp

At the end of a very happy day, more people have downloaded my book; let's see if we can break the century in the next few days: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/11688 http://amplify.com/u/egjh

The latest 'Anthony Gough Daily' has been published, find out what's what in the world! http://paper.li/tonibryan http://amplify.com/u/edom

My latest blog is published & I'm having a rant about Microsoft: http://tonibryan.blogspot.com/2010/11/delights-of-apple-pie-eve-stupid-greedy.html http://amplify.com/u/ecwu

The delights of Apple pie, Eve & Stupid, Greedy Microsoft!

I've had a very good week, but still where my blog's future direction lies is still a complete mystery to me. I put that down to having the mind of Blondel, a wandering minstrel who set out to rescue Richard the Lionheart back in the 13th century. I accept that, like Blondel, such magnificent rescue plans take a bit of effort, and along the way getting from Point A to Point B might be a somewhat laborious journey. I've no doubt I shall arrive upon a satisfying decision, time after all is the mother of all laziness.

However, back to the week. There's no doubt my mind is becoming crystallised and that I'm slowly drifting firmly towards the Apple pie. Depending on your point of view, Apple is either the be and end all of all things technically, or it's the devil incarnate. I take a somewhat more middling view, strange I should have a part of the brain which has a middle way: sadly that sounds more like a political conversion to mainstream political garbage, which I find utterly weary and have better things to do with my time. But I can't deny I've been seduced by the Apple, and Eve has done her Jobs.

Having used computers since the stone age, I'm still technically an idiot who has problems finding the off/on button, or should that be switch.  The fact that my present laptop is an all singing and dancing monster running Vista in German leaves me immensely frustrated on a daily basis, and does no more than make me desirous of becoming a slave to eating Apple pie at the earliest opportunity. And for those 'clever' individuals out there who say that I should learn German, that great American author Mark Twain explains the improbability of success better than I can.

Of course, Microsoft has managed to do itself in. This morning I tried to do some work using the 2010 beta version of Office, only for it to crash pretentiously, throwing a huge wobbly, declaring itself to be done and dusted, refusing point blank to allow me to play with it. What a stupid program, what a ridiculous way to treat an idiot who freely agreed to road test the blighter. I think of all those hours spent finding my way around a bloody new program, able to send smiley faces in favourable response to the bits I enjoyed playing with: what a complete waste of time and effort. For Microsoft to then throw a huge bucket of salt over my wounds, by demanding I stump up a ludicrous amount of money, for the completed version, just beggars belief. I now know how a lab rat feels when someone creeps up behind it and maliciously jabs a bloody big needle into its butt.

Yes, Eve has seduced me and eventually Jobs will see me sink my teeth into a worthy and delicious Mac. At least I can be reassured that Mark Twain will no longer have to turn over in his grave, overcome by his hysterical laughter at the sight of me pulling my hair out, caused by the hopelessness of my attempts to steer between two languages. Yes Microsoft, in future you can go and whistle up your own tight fitting trousers, where the moths never get to see the light of day, and if you keep suffering from constipation, caused by a body bloated by excessive profits, go and get a manual: just make sure it's not in Beta!

Read the Stephen Fry article in today's 'The Anthony Gough Daily: http://paper.li/tonibryan http://amplify.com/u/ecus

As I end the weekend and retire for the night, I happily discover more of 'Nick & Jenny' have been downloaded Have you joined the growing crowd of readers? https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/11688 http://amplify.com/u/ebrg

A classic Vincent Price horror film. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BeUWMfqELk http://amplify.com/u/e9mu

More spook-fest for Halloween: http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/gallery/2010/oct/29/haunted-photographs-william-hope-halloween http://amplify.com/u/e9ls

More spook-fest for Halloween: http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/gallery/2010/oct/29/haunted-photographs-william-hope-halloween http://amplify.com/u/e9ls

Jimmy McMillan has my vote for Governor of NYC: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4o-TeMHys0&feature=player_embedded http://amplify.com/u/e9lk

Something strange & spooky for Halloween: http://mashable.com/2010/10/28/time-traveler-caught-on-film/ http://amplify.com/u/e9lc

For those who like/enjoy the 'Lord of the rings' you might be interested in this prequel: http://www.bornofhope.com/FilmYouTube.html http://amplify.com/u/e9h0

A wonderful & thoughtful muse on the joys of learning German. http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Awful_German_Language http://amplify.com/u/e9gy

Oh dear, MGM has lost its way along the yellow brick road, perhaps the lesson here is that you match the product price with what the customer will pay! http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2010/oct/30/mgm-film-studio-rescued-bankruptcy http://amplify.com/u/e94u

For those who like/enjoy the 'Lord of the rings' you might be interested in this prequel: http://www.bornofhope.com/FilmYouTube.html http://amplify.com/u/e4k0

A moment's pause for antiquity and the birthplace of many modern day ideals!Περικλής Ξανθίππου [HD]Δείτε το νέο βίντεο της έκθεσης "Περικλής Ξανθίππου" στο Μουσείο Ακρόπολης η οποία θα διαρκέσει έως τις 31 Ιανουαρίου 2011. http://www.theacropolismuseum.gr/default.php?pname=PeriodicExhibitions&la=1Length: 2:00 http://amplify.com/u/e1tb

Sorry, this is the link: http://www.makeuseof.com/tag/download-unofficial-facebook-privacy-guide/ http://amplify.com/u/e12v

If anyone is interested in their privacy on Facebook, read this: http://clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=7kkqF&m=1cFI0OtYS8UKNK&b=nwoG_9HphA0pnar4K2v5ng http://amplify.com/u/e12o

This is one long day, but I'll be finished in an hour or so and so looking forward to the end! :)) http://amplify.com/u/e0tr

Thank you for subscribing to my YouTube channel http://www.youtube.com/user/tonibryan1 http://amplify.com/u/dzxs

What a start to a Monday, more work coming my way & the 1st lesson online with no audio, life! http://bit.ly/90cETi

My latest daily newspaper is published, check out what's happening in the world of tech, business etc: http://paper.li/tonibryan http://bit.ly/cYQJ1v

Writers and authors might want to check out this interesting site http://www.publicationcoach.com/sample-newsletter.php http://bit.ly/bg4yrZ

Writers and authors might want to check out this interesting site http://www.publicationcoach.com/sample-newsletter.php http://bit.ly/bg4yrZ

My latest epaper is published http://paper.li/tonibryan http://bit.ly/9VznYK

Some great stuff here from cleaning your balls to a Russian man's love affair with VCR http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/pda/2010/oct/22/wash-your-balls-with-axe-stephen-fry http://bit.ly/aMuMHm

In achieving your goals, how honest were you in getting there? http://bit.ly/aLU48k

Authors of eBooks and print books might be interested in this article http://blogs.publishersweekly.com/blogs/PWxyz/?p=2902 http://bit.ly/c1Zfvw

Went for the burn this morning...oooooooh my poor butt! http://bit.ly/dBQOXz

There's a news a comin'; all will be revealed soon http://bit.ly/9qXiBB

Wow, 50 visits to my short film on youtube and 1 subscription! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rn9tQ8dnzBc http://bit.ly/a5VEWi

Human logic is wonderful...unconditional love is conditional on... http://bit.ly/ck9RNk

The car that defies its critics & makes you realise just how sexy a car can be http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1w4LNr/designtaxi.com/news/33153/Subaru-Reverses-Launches-Most-Mediocre-Car-Ever/ http://bit.ly/bk0W6p

How serious do you take your friends attempts to make their dream come true, and how do you support them? http://bit.ly/c5oUjl

My daily paper is now available for all to read http://paper.li/tonibryan http://bit.ly/d7gvnR

Toni's wieldying a massive axe!

Back in the real world I'm having a break from all the joys of having endless social media sites, and trying to streamline my sad tendency for having far too many. I'm not being greedy and in a desperate need to be loved and liked, rather each one that I've collected, joined, and endured has been done in response to some quirky desire to believe it was important to 'belong'.  Be that as it may, Tone's thinking of swinging a very sharp axe to slimming down the never ending line of sites; I spend far too much time tending to each one's little reason for being cheerful.

Yes, I'm prevaricating and umming & arring about swinging said axe, loyalty is another cross to bear, but it has to be done, better a sharp edge to the blade than a dull one that simply tears away little chunks a bit at a time. What brought this on was a request from someone that I once upon a time knew, who decided to get in touch after an absence of 12 years. I know some out there would think that was lovely, long lost nomad wandering back into civilisation checking if the old black book still contained people who hadn't died in the intervening years, no I'm still breathing and the last time I looked very much alive from the neck upwards.

Now perhaps I'm an hopeless romantic, but it would seem that if you've bothered to answer the aforesaid request, then they would at least respond with a short message expressing their delight you've managed to survive the worst the world can throw at you during their time spent in the wilderness riding a camel across several sand dunes. But nothing, it's as though they are completely gobsmacked to discover you haven't actually died. There's no pleasing some people!

Of course, this brings me back to the matter of becoming the future butcher of social media, and which gets priority and which must go and it's difficult but not an insurmountable problem. Oh well, if nobody leaves a comment I guess they won't mind being left off future Xmas lists!

A new work in progress!

You may remember me mentioning in my last blog that I wanted to change the direction of this blog.  And as you can see we have a work in progress!  I'm not sure at this stage whether the change in layout will be the final one, but I think it's clearer and better laid out, although I'm sure that most of my regular readers will only notice slight changes, but I think the change is for the better.

As will be seen I've now added a photo of me, constructed from a warped mind that loves surrealism in all its many splendours.  I make no apologies for looking very weird and demented, except to say that I got very happily carried away with GIMP and trying to manipulate the mugshot in question, so that I'd look 30 years younger...I've always been a naive optimist!  What I was thinking of at the time of manipulating I've no idea but I do like the idea of combining punk with the romantics....it's also satisfying to see that I have a head of hair again.

I continue to work on my second short film, working title 'Penguin Amore!' and it's almost finished.  30 minutes ago I found a piece of music that I hope fits the film.  I never realised how hard it was to add a soundtrack to a film, especially when you come up against copyright.  Personally, as an author and film maker, I can understand your work being used in an inappropriate way, but music I want to use is 40 years old and hardly likely to reach the heady heights of the pop charts again, but we have to play by the rules.

I continue in my creative mood, last weekend saw me on Saturday getting wet due to the early autumnal rain.  Sunday a much brighter and drier day, and as the gods were smiling off I traipsed to a local fountain to take some surreal shots.  One of my glaring faults, yes I have one or two, is that I tend to become preoccupied with whatever I'm doing when in an arty mood.  The fountain was particularly well lit by a slowly setting sun, which added a sense of the cheerful unknown, tiny wavelets from the cascading water sparkled and glinted and danced merrily before disappearing into watery nothingness.  To take the shots I wanted I lay down so I was at eye level to the surface of the water.  Five minutes later I was wet, wet, wet due to lying in a puddle of water I hadn't noticed.  How one suffers for one's art!

Of course the week begins again and two hours of raw film footage has to be looked at, which is always enjoyable until that moment you realise that the camcorder is out of sync with your brain cells.  Thankfully I don't record such moments, a man crying into his pint mug of tea is perhaps too much for everyone to bear, and likely to cause the few friends remaining in my life to finally bid farewell to the antisocial, miserable git!

So it's now back to the drawing board and coming up with ideas for content.  Whatever I end up with as content I'm sure it'll be useful, at least to me.  There I'll finish, acknowledging that I do like me and thinking how cute I ended up looking when I'd finished mucking around with GIMP.  Anyone fancy a makeover?

I'm GIMPing this week!

Having now almost recovered from a cronky back, it only complains bitterly when I do the food shopping, which is as good an excuse to follow a diet as I can come up, I'm back to exercising the body dubious. If nothing else I'll be the body beautiful by the time it's too late. Although I will say, being an Englishman, it's quite a novelty prancing around in the birthday suit, I never knew there was so much freedom to be had! in terms of political ideology I still haven't worked out yet whether I'm swinging to the left, the right or happier being in the centre; Oh well!

Enough of this drivel, he says dribbling down his chin. I'm still in a state of suspended animation as to where I should be taking this blog. As it's been some time, for which I'm getting as tired as you with me rabbiting on about nothing in particular; unless something's got my back up, or put it out as the case may be. I'm still toying with ideas, but no further forward in coming to a decision. I'll admit I'm being indecisive, not much helped by contemplating whether taking a long run off a short bridge will help my lack of manhood.

But I do feel a change in direction is required. Happily for me my creative urges are beginning to thrust to the fore and I've just discovered that GIMP can do far more than my undeveloped brain can cope with. GIMP is an advanced image manipulation program that can do the normal editing things we all do when playing around with digital photos we've put on our computer hard drives. But yesterday I discovered I can do the same kind of things I do as a matter of course when editing with Final Cut Express and laying images, still or moving, on top of each other. Best of all GIMP is free, yes I've linked to the website again, just in case you missed it the first time; nice to know you're not paying too much attention to a raving old git.

I've no idea how GIMP fares against programs such as Photoshop (Adobe) and Aperture (Apple), I've not used either, but they cost a bucketful of bucks although reading lots of homework, yes I'm also a boring old git who's gone geeky, GIMP is on a par or better than either of them. I really don't know which is the best, but as GIMP IS FREE and it does me, that's about as good a recommendation as it gets! Sadly the two photos I manipulated yesterday involved friends so are not for public consumption, but I'll continue to play and see what I can do.

If anyone reading this, I live in eternal hope being born an optimist, would like me to combine 2 photos together e.g. you in front of a building, scenery, landscape etc, or combine two elements together, please send them to 'englishsupport.de@googlemail.com': there will be no charge it's practice for me. Please send only JPEG images, along with a short description of what you're looking for in terms of a finished photo.

However, to gain access to this potentially excellent offer you will have to subscribe to this blog, and follow me; carrot and stick might work. And if you haven't spent a few moments watching my first short film, why not? I've had some excellent feedback about it from those who've watched it, Thank you and you know who you are! Don't forget to leave your comments!

Coming out of the closet!

I've just finished a late breakfast, well it is Saturday morning, and I'm feeling rather silly for no other reason it takes my mind off the very sore butt I'm now squashing into the office chair. Yes, you read correctly, Toni's vast acreage is suffering from a very naughty attack by an unknown, but large, source of fetish desire.


I dare say you've now got your mind buried deep in some god awful cesspit, containing the leftovers of....no, I refuse to go there...I'm not joining you...I'm staying here, in the chair, feeling sorry for my poor, badly abused bottom. Please have a little sympathy for my bum, after all it's the result of the dickheads, who think it's funny to make me bend over, double up, in some sort of frenzy of ribaldry. God I'm suffering this morning!

My guess, at this point in time, is that you're sitting there, lying there, or whatever position you find yourself in, thinking that I've come out of the closet, some thinking finally, and I'm now mincing around like a born again smoker, high on nicotine for the first time in twenty years; and like all born again wannabees, is making whoopee at discovering freedom from sin makes you a happy, and unconfused, chappie.

Sadly, for those inclined to always think the worst of people, especially me, I started my exercise regime this morning and my bottom is suffering from too much clenching and thrusting. I'm not sure how much more my poor derriere can take. I think I'm going through another mid-life crisis!

Monday afternoon waffle!

A few weeks ago I had a rant against the world, largely due to what I thought was an injustice, someone who was likely to be denied the opportunity to improve their English because of the horrifically low level of salary they were getting. In the end the individual and I agree to my solution to the problem, which was happily accepted by the individual in question. Yet here we are three weeks later, only one lesson taken and appointments continually missed by the said individual. I've done what I hate doing and withdrawn my offer of help.

Of course it saddens me that no matter how hard you personally try to make a tiny part of life more accessible and enlightening for others, you still get your butt kicked for the effort. Not particularly thinking about this particular story, I wrote yesterday '...it's very peculiar that humans love to be around success, but only the rare one helps someone actually achieve it.' I've taken this out of context, but it remains all too true regardless of the context. Such a thought makes you question your own particular responses to other events in your life, and think about the times you've been a cussing SOB when someone has offered their hand out in friendship and you've refused because of a stubborn streak of pride. I suppose it all comes down to swings and roundabouts, and history having a very uncanny knack for repeating itself. But I remain sad because I wasn't able to help someone, even though I have the knowledge and passion to open the door a little further.


I was talking to my son this morning, waffling as we do in our normally relaxed manner, bouncing ideas off each other with regard to his business and my own future plans. At the moment I've come up with an idea that has some 'legs' to it, and in time will enable me to move in a direction that I'm excited about. At this stage it's just an idea, although most of the things needed are already to hand and in place; that is apart from a particular piece of technology, the 'right camera'. Now I realise that minds will be going ten to the dozen and no doubt full of smutty innuendo when I say 'camera'; shame on you! Nothing could be further from the truth, but needless to say the 'right camera' is a must for the idea to come to fruition.


I've spent hours doing the necessary research on the Internet and I'm no further forward than when I started out, well that's not strictly true because one of the things I have discovered, and please feel free to correct me, is that it is virtually impossible to hook up an HD camcorder to either a pc or mac, and use it as a webcam. Use a webcam, no problem, well apart from the poor colour, the awful streamed picture, the lack of autofocus or variable focus, the lack of a wideangle lens, no aperture control, poor mic, and so on; all of which is easily accomplished with an HD camcorder. I'd be grateful if anyone reading this, who is technically superior to my poor self, can leave a comment on how to achieve the impossible. Sadly it seems, based on this particular experience, there is a massive gap in camcorder technology that needs to be filled, post haste! As always, my books can be found to the right hand side of this blog, along with my very first short film, which has recieved a few comments already. When watching the film, you can find it on the right hand side, just remember that it's an experiment and wonderfully reflects my own surreal thinking, which according to a couple of comments lost them in what I was trying to say; another comment wondered if the film was about a pink sky. How true it is you have to suffer for your art!


Finally, thank you to 'Almost Precious' for adding her comments, always nice to hear from fellow bloggers. If you've got a few minutes go to her blog and check out her handmade jewellery, scrumptious might be an apt word to describe her wares.

The Unknown Musician...and other bits and bobs.

I think a change might be a good idea, writing this blog that is, but like all great minds, I love myself, I think I'm important and it's my blog, to which we have to ask what has brought on this point of concern. Well I've  re-read some of my recent blogs and it would appear that I was slowly, if not quickly, heading towards the place where the sun never shines; which considering how big my head seems to be getting, a painfully tight place to squeeze into. Naw, not going there, horrible thought.  Anyway, I'll ponder awhile yet but you can always leave any suggestions, in the comments box below, that might come to mind.

Well I've finally finished my short film 'The Unknown Musician', and whilst I'm the first to admit that it won't win any cinematic prizes there's an enormous sense of accomplishment in having completed the film, having started with virtually no real knowledge of how to put footage together, and more importantly how to edit it. Of course having watched it, some of you might well say that I still don't, but you can't compare my work to that of Paul Hogan, Martin Scorsese, Quentin Tarantino or Alfie Hitchcock, as I'm in a league of my own. I'm almost sure that one of the questions loudly or silently asked, will be 'What the bloody hell is it about?' In answer I'm almost certain when viewed by the 'fairer' sex they'll get it, the 'unfairer' sex unlikely to; but you never know how wrong I can be. However, and I know that I'm repeating myself, mostly due to the onions last night in a salad, it's no shame for this old dog to brazenly admit he's still capable of learning some new tricks, and as I don't need Viagra so none in that direction. But I willingly and happily doff my flat cap to the many unknown American youngsters out there on youtube who've taught me much about Final Cut Express 4 and how to edit. Most of the time ancient gits like you, and on occasion I, moan, groan, pull faces and generally react negatively, badly, and stubbornly towards teenagers for being royal pains in the butt. Yet over the past weeks the one thing I've learnt above all else is there's a generation out there who are willing to 'give' selflessly on a regular basis. Ok, you can look at their particular activities and wonder what kind of education system the developed world has, but it's been a real pleasure for me to take on board their veritable fonts of individual wisdom, saving me an enormous amount of time and wasted effort. I'm not going to salute the American flag, well not until they pay their back taxes to the British people, but I will gladly salute American kids and say 'THANK YOU!' And one final 'thank you' goes to my dear friend, Stefan Kachel, for making my journey into film making that much easier; no, I wasn't going to take all the responsibility for inflicting myself on the world.

The other good news of sorts is that interest in my novel 'Nick & Jenny' still continues with more downloaded samples and purchases, which pleases me enormously and helps the budding author to carry on budding like the little flower I am. I refuse to take myself seriously, and if I choose to be a little flower then there are worse things than being a pansy. And there upon that particular note I'll leave you to pop over to the right to discover my fantastic new blockbuster 'The Unknown Musician'.

An author's thoughts

Think about all those books sitting on your bookshelves, bookcases, scattered around the home, used as an ornament on the coffee table and so on.  Now look at them, the titles, the cover design, the size, the name of the publishing house or group.  Now look who wrote each book, look at their name, their photo, their gender, perhaps even their age.  Ask yourself if you personally know them.

You see I've mentioned this because it doesn't matter about many of those things, all that really matters is that each individual author started in exactly the same way.  All authors have the same motivating forces to complete the book you bought, it starts with an idea.  Every author will tell you that they've started many ideas but never seen them through to a final conclusion, the finished book.  Many authors will tell you that they will have spent months, perhaps years, writing a book only to abandon it before the end, or having got to the end dump it without much thought because it didn't fit in with their intended thought processes.

Yet for all the work and hours, days, months, and years the author dedicates to the craft of writing, that author needs three things to achieve the finished book.  First, the ability to see an idea grow, prosper and blossom over an often long period of time.  Second, a form of dedication that few are able to master successfully.  Third, that having written the book the courage to stand by the personal belief displayed in their writing, and that often takes a lot of courage.  My long departed dad, a magnificent individual, and greatly missed, said that there are two kinds of individuals who do a particular thing, those that do it for love and those that do it for money.  In his eyes the former demanded the highest respect, the latter would remain largely unfulfilled and unhappy; who am I to argue with a sentiment that I follow religiously and know that I am likely to enter the next world financially underwhelmed.


Yet the one joy that being a poor struggling author does bring me, is the reaffirmation of the world as I perceive it to be, and then having the means at hand to question, whether through fiction or comedy, and to speak out against the things I personally find troubling.  It's no great accident that my female characters tend to be the strong ones and the male species less so.  But at the end of the day do my tomes, lovely word, accomplish anything?  Well I'd hope, if nothing else, that they stir up either a positive response or a negative one but first you have to read them before you can find out.

I keep being asked why I chose the eBook format and not the 'traditional' publishing route.  Yes, I've tried the publishing route but rejected because the books I write aren't going to make any publishing house any profit.  So I've opted for eBooks and consequently my books are available throughout the world to an audience I'd never reach by way of publishing houses.  Besides, with the continuing growth of the eBook market, I can afford a wry smile at the news that the best selling author, Seth Godwin, is going the way I've gone because of his growing disenchantment at the way publishing houses operate.

I, like many of you, enjoy the feel of paper in the palm of my hand.  The paperback book is an individual intimate experience and very hard to replicate with an iPad or Kindle, yet the world is changing and such reading appliances are trying to emulate the reading experience of a paperback, in time they will succeed.  Our love of the paper book only goes back a few hundred years to the time of the Gutenberg press, before that the population mass had to entrust their story telling to a minority of individuals; ironically the Gutenberg Project is now trying to save the written word by making eBooks freely available of titles long forgotten or in danger of being lost forever.

As an author I live a fairly isolated life.  Returning to the beginning of this blog all those books you have around you, most of those authors have lived, or live, in the same way because that's the nature of the beast.  All start with the horrible blank page, all develop their individual stories, characters, plots and sequenced events.  All are mightily happy and relieved when the end has been accomplished.  A few authors go on to fame and fortune, and perhaps notoriety.  The vast majority of authors remain the unsung heroes of total anonymity, yet provide a vast body of work, shaped by love, passion and desire and see very little financial for their efforts.  And that is the reason why authors such as I continue to write and publish, their love of books, stories and the never ending quest to protect their right to free speech in a world that tries very hard to control and curtail that right.

Finally, thank you to Mark Coker, CEO of my publishing company Smashwords, for giving me the opportunity to publish around the world.  Thank you to all of you who are actively supporting my love of writing by buying my published books.  Thank you to those who downloaded the sample copies for your interest and I'd hope that would stimulate your further interest in buying the books available.  Any comments you may wish to share with me, please write in the comments section below.  I'd like to interact with my readers so the opportunity is there, please use it.

I'm very angry today!

Today I'm angry, and so because I have the means at hand, this blog, I'm going to rant and rave, and hopefully by the end somebody out there will have read this and at least taken the time to understand why I should feel the need to blow my top.

I'm fortunate in that I've ended up doing a thing that is a 'vocation' in life.  As a teacher, teaching English to foreign students, mostly adults, adults and young people learning MY LANGUAGE, I'm following a path I never knew I would set out on.  I'll never become rich, and there are times I've personally suffered as a result of my vocation in life.  Yet I still believe in my vocation, because above all it allows me to return to others a solid means which enables them to progress in their lives, whichever direction they will choose to go eventually.  To watch a student progress, regardless of their ability to learn, is to watch a tender bud flower.  But the greatest joy for me is knowing that I was a tiny part of that wonderful growth, that I contributed in a selfless and meaningful way.

There will be many of you sitting and reading this, earning a decent salary, doing the things you want, when you want.  You will have a comfortable life, and you may also not want to read what follows, but I AM ANGRY!  I'm angry because even in this 21st century world, a world reduced to a global village due to the Internet and its vast array of communication forms, I last night (Monday) sat for 2 hours with a potential student from the Ukraine.  This delightful individual, a mother with a seven year old son, had contacted me to help her develop her English skills, so she can progress in life, so she can make a better life for herself and son. 

Eventually we discussed the price of my lessons, my price depends on the number of lessons taken, with a good discount for two or more lessons per week.  The lady in question has a responsible position in life, with a degree in economics, divorced and earns a salary of $150 per month; I have checked this and it is correct according to the information I found on the web.  Yes, a salary of $150 per month to live on and support her son.  This I find completely outrageous, as she needs English for her employment responsibilities, and she gets no help from her employer.  Towards the end of our discussions she was in tears because the key to her future success, she believed, was slipping away.

I will do everything I personally can to help her because I passionately believe that no-one should be denied access to learning something that makes the individual grow and prosper.  As I grew up my attitudes hardened towards education because of the discrimination I personally suffered due to my 'lack of academic' ability, and I'm talking of the British education system which was willing to consign me to a life of sweeping factory floors; I'm not joking.  A sense of learning is the greatest gift we give the individual, but all too often that curiosity and desire to learn is corrupted by both education and money.  No individual should be denied the opportunity to learn.

I dare say, and I've already acknowledged this, that I'll die poor.  I have no difficulty with this, and accept it because I refuse to be a part of a world that values money above all else.  I accept I cannot change the world, but I can help a few individuals along the way.  What are you willing to do to help make the world a much fairer and better place to live in?

Where to find my novels, in case you couldn't find them!

Dear readers of this wondrous blog, for an author of a 1st time novel it's a gruelling matter doing things like marketing; especially when you know absolutely nothing about such strange practices.  This is even more ridiculous when the novel is out there floating around in cyberspace without a bookshelf to call home.  Having spent many a long hour, day, month and endless years slaving over this little tome, it's finally down to you, my public to play your part in making the 'BIG DREAM' come true!

To help matters along, and in celebration of publishing my second novel, 'Danny's Navel Adventure' below there's a list of sites where you can either buy, or get a free sample' YES A FREE SAMPLE, of 'Nick and Jenny'!

Now, before anyone asks 'Nick and Jenny' can be bought for less than a cup of coffee, so there's no excuse for not actively supporting the arts!  If nothing else I've learned is that for a dream to come true you need support.  One way is to spend a few bucks, pass on the news to friends etc and make it happen much quicker than otherwise might be the case. 

So before we go any further, THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO'S ALREADY HELPING TO MAKE MY DREAM COME TRUE - IT'S REALLY APPRECIATED.

However, check out this site for a FREE ebook management system for keeping your ebook library organised and all your ebooks in one place. Calibre

Stores Where My Book Can be Bought

Smashwords

'Nick and Jenny' here

'Danny's Navel Adventure' here

At the moment only 'Nick and Jenny' can be bought at the following sites, click on the link to take you there.

Apple

USA

http://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/toni-bryan/id365939611?mt=11

Germany

http://itunes.apple.com/de/artist/toni-bryan/id365939611?mt=11

UK

http://itunes.apple.com/uk/artist/toni-bryan/id365939611?mt=11

France

http://itunes.apple.com/fr/artist/toni-bryan/id365939611?mt=11

Barnes and Noble - USA

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Nick-Jenny/Toni-Bryan/e/2940000838631/?itm=8

Sony Bookstore - Worldwide

http://ebookstore.sony.com/search?keyword=toni+bryan

 My new comedy 'Danny's Navel Adventure' will be available in the above stores in the future once it's been accepted for inclusion in the Smashwords Premium Catalogue.

THANKS and HAPPY READING!

There's a song in my heart!

Life continues unabated, I love words that sound good, and without much in the way of disturbance, which on a grand scale of 1-10 would mean my life is teetering on the brink of a glass of milk.  Still, the past weekend saw the entire weekend given over to 'Bardentreffen' a free music festival in the old town centre.  Every man and his dog seemed to be in town for the musical shindig, I only there for the filming and not much else.

It's not that I don't like live music, one has to learn to appreciate the finer things in life, but when you're trying to sleep and God's rock band is playing immediately around the corner from you, it doesn't take much imagination to realise why you fell out with God in the first place.  And I'm not joking either.  Just around the corner from me there's a little courtyard, or passageway, where you can just about herd together 50 disciples and a rock band.  The courtyard is the back exit for the local offices of some religious order or other; not the Scientology lot due to Germany banning them for being somekind of weird cult, I've no idea if they are weird, strange possibly, weird dunno.  Of course, one of the joys, I'm led to believe, is that all religions like to make the occasional song and dance either in defence of their right to exist, or in celebration that they still do exist.  But the use of 6,000 watt amplifers, throbbing woofers and tweeters and enough bass to give any tenor constipation for a month of Sundays isn't the best way to celebrate His or Her Worshipfulness. 

This was all compounded by having Hermann & the Munsters up the back passage, whilst the singer across the way on another stage belted out his version of Irish Bluegrass, and no doubt having an odd draw here and there, launching a frontal attack.  This particular singer was definitely weird in his choice of songs.  When I first heard him he was cranking out a blues number, which I have to admit was perfectly passable, followed by an Irish folksong.  It did remind me of those awful karaoke nights I've never been too, but seen all too often on the telly when I had one.  I do give anyone due respect for having the audacity and gumption to willingly inflict themselves on the non-paying public, but what I do find particularly unforgivable is the god awful ringing in my bloody ears for the last three days!

By Sunday afternoon I'd decided enough was enough and stayed in, happily missing the final day of the festival.  I say happily in the sense that based on what I'd heard on Friday and Saturday, time was much better spent avoiding the last of Germany's got talent roadshow.  However, the end of the festival is always a sad moment, not because the sound of music has disappeared up its own alpine crevice, but because it's the signal that in five short months the Xmas market will be back.  Now that is truly depressing!

The baby chucking its dummy out of the pram!

I'm aware that starting out with 'I've not been well recently' is almost certainly going to get the same response as a gaggle of geese bumping into a maniac pointing two nasty looking shotgun barrels at them.  But what the hell, life's not life without being overly male and wanting a cuddle as I suck my thumb, whilst feeling enormously sorry for myself.
     But of more importance the World Cup has finally died an undignified death and for the first time ever I managed to go an entire WC without seeing a single ball being kicked, which has been enormously satisfying, particularly during the final ten days or so when I was beside myself with rage.  I just found it so utterly, utterly, obscene that the stupid football was being played whilst close to the stadiums children were dying from starvation, poverty and a lack of the most basic healthcare.  I have to say the devil got the better of me and I protested vehemently, posting some youtube videos on my social networking page, the videos weren't intended to please anyone, and if nothing else did kick up a bit of a fuss in one particular quarter, who complained I'd gone too far.
    The weather's been a bit too much lately and the constant heat isn't exactly helping the temper any.  Of course drinking ice cold frappes is helping, bringing with it fond memories of summers spent in Greece where I lived for four years, the bad bits seem to be somewhat hazy and I'm sort of thankful for that.  The strange thing is that the fondest memories are of the 10pm dinners along the sea front, lazily sipping ouzo and eating meze.  I do so miss the joys of eating octopus and kalimari, soaking up the juices with chunks of fresh bread.  But you move on in life, don't you?
    I know this is a bit of a wobbly blog, with me as the baby chucking its dummy out of the pram.  Having written this I now understand why the Australians called the English 'whinging poms'.  But you can't help but love 'em for all that!

The wonderful wisdom of youth!

I know I haven't written anything lately, and writing this I wonder if I'll get to the end to finish it; or if I do, how much time it's taken to write a few paragraphs.  Of course, Mad T has been sort of busy this past week or so, job hunting, but time has largely been involved with the joys of technology.  This is one area I willing confess to being a complete idiot, and my admiration for the mass of young individuals out there knows no bounds in their individual search for technological glory and immortality.

Of course it would be very self-defeating in my own creative quest to completely ignore the undoubted 'wisdom' of young aficionados of the MacWorld, they, after all they clearly love their passion and dedication for their love of Macs and software.  And as I've sat through endless Youtube videos, increasing my own particular knowledge, I can't help but admire their enthusiasm and devil may care attitude.  Yes, I've learnt much and will continue to do so, and the most I've learnt is that their determination to be 'heard' is wonderfully refreshing, no matter the doubts about their teaching style, their occasional impatience and their, sometimes, expectation you're on the same planet as they are.

But the one thing that is wonderfully engaging is their refusal to stick to the norm, to take you through a particular subject sticking to the manual.  Watching them is akin to watching the 'rebel' finding the quickest solution to a problem posed, and totally ignoring the 'wisdom of their elders'.  This is no doubt fuelled by their desire to 'get on with it', having little fear of the consequences, and in the end showing that experience isn't the only crutch we should lean on.

As I'm a 'newbie' to the world of the Mac and its software, my starting point is Apple's tutorials on this or that, but they don't answer every question.  In many ways they are curtailed by their inability to do any more than give the essential basics, which tends to restrict the amount of knowledge they can pass on.  And if you watch an Apple tutorial they stick to the point, slavishly follow the manual and leave you only a little more wiser than when you started.  No, I'm not being critical of Apple, they do what they do well, supported by a vast knowledge base but I can't help wonder if they couldn't do somethings better.

So, as I'm now embarked on a very steep learning curve the one thing I appreciate more than anything is the shortcut to an answer.  Those shortcuts, the very lifeblood of all learning, will get me there much quicker to where I want to be.  And if there is one moral to this blog, it's that we should pay far more attention to the minds and wisdom of the young; it's one thing showing grandma how to suck eggs, it's another showing grandma how to do it with more enthusiasm and passion.

The sun...caterpillars....and the need to read instruction manuals.

I finally managed to escape the padded cell on Monday, released from the conversations of the four walls surrounding me.  I know that sounds as if I'm going slightly mad, but after being cooped up in the hovel for days on end, unable to do some filming due to the sun having gone on strike, or holiday, for about ten long days, then you shouldn't be that surprised by my reaction.

Yes, it's late spring and you can't help wonder if it's just the winter being extended because Mother Nature has decided she has a sense of humour.  A warped sense of humour I might add.  Of course the lack of sun and warm weather might well be the result of global warming, and whilst the proponents might have a point I also tend to think that the strange behaviour of the weather is perfectly normal.  No matter how easy it is to pin the blame on the human race for its disgraceful abuse of the environment and natural resources, the Earth's history has been dominated by extremes of weather change; perhaps this is just another.

But back to the 'great escape'.  One of the things my city is blessed with is a river running through its centre, and plenty of parks through which to casually amble and soak in the fresh air.  And although Starbucks may not be everyone's cup of tea, I spend the occasional time drinking my frappucino by the side of the river.  All of this has nothing whatsoever to do with the great escape, but it's nice being slightly frivolous which clearly indicates that 'Englishmen shouldn't go out into the midday sun.'  Which makes you wonder if there's any connection between the nasty effects of the sun and the British love for fried food.

Anyway back to the story in hand, which seems such a long time ago now.  I wandered down to the park of my choice, the river running along its entire length, frantically searching for a bees nest to film.  You may view this however you wish, but there is a thin line separating madness and inspired creativity, and I always lean toward the latter.  Disappointed not to find nature's constant perplexing question 'In terms of physics how on earth does the bee manage to fly?' I happened upon a row of hawthorn trees close to the path I was walking along, which contained a number of finely woven hammocks, slung between branches, full of minute black eggs and developed caterpillars.  Needless to say I became somewhat excited by the 2cm wriggly things, which undoubtedly proves I might need to get a life after all.  That aside, it was wonderful to watch a moment, and film it, where all the elements of nature came together in one perfect moment.

Watching those delightful nondescript caterpillars going about their natural business, cocooned for a brief period of time before setting off on their own eventful journeys, it's somewhat educational to watch the natural behaviour of wildlife in its true environment and the simple pleasures it provides to the well-being of the human psyche. 

And the filming, well it just goes to show that no matter educated you are, you realise why they teach you to read from a very early age, such is the penalty for being enthusiastically creative.  I finally understand those comments of my school teachers who use to write on my reports 'tried hard but needs to concentrate more.'  As for the sun, I give up!

Politics, bees and the innocence of childhood!

A strange week has passed, with the world passing by in its own peculiar way.  The British general election turned up a result that nobody was in the least bit surprised by, and whilst this particular election was the first since 1997 to stir up some interest in my skeptical attitude towards all things involving British politics, nevertheless the boredom with it all is back.  I thank god that British elections only run for about a month, whilst the American elections for president last around 18 months or so.  As for the hung parliament that resulted from the 'I prefer to sit on the fence, than actually do something radical' British electorate, and consequently no political party ended up with a majority, that could form a government, well the British have ended up with exactly the very things they complained about.  I find it unsurprising that the British character remains stuck in its world of serfdom and servility.

Anyway, enough of the politics and on to more pleasing news!  I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you who have visited this blog, over the past month I've seen an increase of over 300% in visitors, which I find amazing and somewhat humbling.  This in turn has led to more people downloading the free sample of my book, 'Nick & Jenny', along with a small increase in those who've bought a copy.  And on top of that, more people have begun to look at my webpage for 'English Support Services', which has seen visitor traffic increase by 800%.  Of course I can't rest on my laurels, as it were, and so the hard, but pleasurable, work continues apace.  So, again, a very BIG THANK YOU for all your support in making my 'dreams' come true.

Whilst I'm on the subject of my novel, 'Nick & Jenny' I've been asked about the paperback version of the book.  All I can say at the moment is that it will be published in paperback form in the future, but that's sometime off as I've another novel, 'Danny's Navel Adventure' due to be published in June/July time, in addition to other projects I'm working on, which doesn't leave me with the time to do everything I'd like.

One of the big pluses' of this week is that I've finally started working on my film about the trip to the USA during Dec. '09 to Jan. '10.  The downside to it all was my realisation that I'd taken more film and photos than I'd thought, and there's going to be lots left out of the final film, which at this early stage is running at 35 minutes long with a long way to go before it's finished.  The good thing is that the beginning and end of the film is almost done, in terms of film content and titles, but the music tracks have to be added and I'm still arguing with myself about whether I should add a voice over; the worry is that the voice will start to argue with me.

Finally, after spending far too long locked up in the hovel, I decided to escape.  Well it was a very pleasant late afternoon, or appeared to be.  Walking to my intended destination, the local graveyard, where I wanted to contemplate my navel and do some wildlife filming, the cheerful fluffy bits above my head became more threatening.  As I was in my normal mood of cheery glee and endless useless thoughts, I ignored the brewing storm.  Fifteen minutes later I'm sheltering under a tree, but fortunately I discovered a bees nest in the surrounding earth.  Not one to give up a missed opportunity, and the dense foliage of the tree protecting me and my camcorder, I set the camera up on the sturdy tripod.  I was totally engrossed in watching the few bees enter the entrance to the nest, they clearly far more intelligent than I due to them going home and I staying put.  After ten minutes or so the rain eased off enough for people to start wandering through the park, and a young girl, she must have been about seven or so, heavily blessed with the joys of innocent ignorance and driven by unending amounts of childish curiosity, inched her way ever closer to me.  Clearly, a raving lunatic of decaying years, wearing an open necked shirt and wearing a cord jacket, pointing his camcorder at some spot of muck was too much for her.  In her delightfully charming way, she slipped slightly on the damp grass above the nest and to steady herself placed her foot, heavily, on the nest entrance.  All I could do was smile and pack up as no further filming was possible.  The moral of the story is that whilst a bee is a fascinating insect to watch, it's hard to compare with the innocence of childhood and a child's uncanny ability to screw up an adult pleasure with the slip of a foot.

The British General Election Continues....ever more boringly!

The British general election continues in its own dreary way, with Gordon Brown given the accolade of being 'Mr Nasty' because he made a private comment about a pensioner being bigoted.  Yes, this is the level of excitement that has captivated the British media all day, and is tedious beyond belief.  But then what would you expect from a British general election that is suffering a complete lack of charisma and driven by a vox pop mentality and a political party machinery that's modelled its shenanigans on the campaign trail to a level Josef Goebbels would be proud of.

The British media is full of indignation about this or that, most of which are side issues and not really tackling the central issues in any real depth.  If they are then the reports are so swayed towards a political bias that it's hard to now what is fact, in the real sense, or journalist fact which is tantamount to being the same as the putting someone in the village ducking stool, and concluding that the truth was only obvious when someone had died. 

I've lost count of how many words have been used about Gordon Brown being the worst prime minister ever, or how David Cameron is so full of nothing, or how Nick Clegg is Mr 'Nice Guy'; all of which is totally irrelevant in an election that is so important to the future direction of the UK.  I've written comments in the Guardian newspaper supporting Nick Clegg because he is the one opportunity for the country to rid itself of its political corruptness, to rid itself of a voting system that's so outdated and undemocratic it beggars belief it's still there in the 21st century.

In terms of policy, there's virtually no change to either NuLab or NuCon political ideology, both are fascistic, both are way to the right, and both have done their level best over the last 30 years to turn Britain into a police state, and succeeded.  Neither of these two parties is going to do anything to rein in the excesses of the banking and financial sectors.  Neither of them are going to reform the House of Lords.  Neither of them want to stand on a platform and change democratic accountability for the better.  Neither of them is interested in the people of Britain, only interested in retaining power.  Neither of them is willing to say how many people are going to be made jobless because of cuts to public service institutions, and at the same time neither are saying that any of the banking and financial sector will be held criminally accountable for their lack of due diligence and corrupt financial practices.

This general election represents a golden opportunity to be rid of a two party system that has been corrupt for the past three decades, and it's about time the British people showed some real British bulldog balls and got rid of both NuLab and NuCon.  They are two political experiments that have gone so Frankensteinly wrong.

A mixture of a week

Monday is such a boring day, not really helped by a mind that's gone on strike and is now being stubborn, won't negotiate and is heading for another 'winter of discontent'.

Yesterday was a sad day, one of the greatest literary influences of my younger days, Alan Sillitoe, passed away.  It seems that most of the people that I grew up admiring in one way or another, are disappearing and moving on to the after life.  Such events, perfectly natural ones in the great scheme of things, simply bring home the nature of human mortality and time to do all the things you want, growing evermore limited as the days pass by.  It makes you think.

Of course life wouldn't be life without its little episodes, such as my bed collapsing at 2.30am last Thursday.  Needless to say I awoke with a brutal start, on top of the mattress which had imploded into the centre of the bed frame.  Such times are very trying, particularly when you're full of cold and the last thing you need is to be strangled by the continental quilt.  Being English, and having recovered my composure, along with making a very drowsy note never to buy another bed from MOMA, you should never trust MOMA, the best solution to a sudden crisis is go and make a cup of tea.  An hour later I'm back in the land of nod, comfortably lay on the IKEA sofa, happily dreaming of making....the bed.

I've no real desire to keep moaning on about my dose of the flu, but having started repairing the bed on Friday, and managing to finish yesterday, Sunday, progress was drearily slow and tedious due to copious amounts of perspiration cascading from the body beautiful.  I have to begrudgingly agree that causing the bod to sweat was no bad thing at the end of the day.  This morning I awoke feeling much better, at least the coughing has stopped for the moment, which is always preferable in the cold light of day.  Despite this the sleep was a bit haphazard last night, mostly waking every hour to check that the bed hadn't collapsed again, and I hadn't disappeared up my own bottom.  I'm happy to report that my repair job was magnificently done and eventually I had a better night's sleep than I first anticipated.  It was somehow pleasurable to get up at 6am, listening to the birds outside chirping away; I'm pretty sure that they were complaining at the falling rain, which was preventing them from making love to their partners in crime.  It was surprising how much noise male German birds make at 6am, and even more surprising how masculine their chirps sounded.

As you're all well aware by now, unless you're a first time visitor to this blog and then you won't know but welcome anyway, it's always to good to have new fans, my novel 'Nick & Jenny' has been published and even though I say it myself, a damn fine read.  Ok, I know that might sound a tad on the biased side, but what do you expect when I'm head of marketing and publicity, and also the author to boot.  Anyway, the point is that it's come to my attention that people are waiting for the paperback version, before buying.  Now I know that's a nice thought, and I thank those in question for thinking in such a wonderful way, but the news is that there are no immediate plans to publish in paperback form.  Yes, it will happen in the future, but for now it will only remain on sale in e-book form.  I know to some of you this is a bit annoying, and it's not my intention to annoy my small but growing readership, but there's not enough time in the day to do everything I want to. 

At the moment my time is taken up with trying to publicise the e-book, trying to put together an audiobook, setting up a small company and numerous other things; so I simply don't have time to search for a publisher to print the paperback and offer it at a reasonable price.  In addition to this, I'm also aiming to publish my second novel, 'Danny's navel adventure', in June or July time, again in e-book form.  One of the reasons for concentrating on the e-book form is because it's a growing market and growing much faster than the paperbook market, which according to reports is beginning to decline.  As a first time novelist, who's responsible for their own publicity and marketing I need to concentrate on one particular segment of the market.  I will admit that I'm on a very steep learning curve, and I feel like a whale out of water, thrashing around trying to get back on course, but one of the things I can do is ask you to let people know the book is out there.  I'm not asking people to buy the book immediately, although thanks if you do, but download the free sample so you can get a 'taste' of the book.


I know that I've gone on a bit, but sadly that's part of being a salesman, something which is utterly foreign to me; how I suffer for my art!  Having got that out of the way there's more good news.  I've been asked to be a guest blogger and write about a subject close to my heart, you'll find out more by visiting http://completelymentalblog.blogspot
and I would ask you to take a little time out to read it and even subscribe to it.  As blogs go you can also visit my new occasional blog  http://tonibryan.wordpress.com which is going to become more focused on my creative side.  As with both of my blogs please subscribe to them if you're a regular reader, or even a new one!

Finally, congratulations go out to that dear, lovable rogue of an Austrian, sorry German, friend of mine and others, dearly missed but who remains nameless, I didn't want to name you Stefan just in case you became embarrassed but that's between us, don't worry only you and I read my blog so it's not an issue, he's become a permanent US resident and got his 'Green card', brilliant news it has to be said, whichever way you want to view it....just joking matey!

Mr P's Birthday

Nick & Jenny 1

I'm being a man...whilst enduring a bout of the flu!

I'm being such a man at the moment, full of self pity and feeling very sorry for myself due to a bad dose of flu.  Why I should be afflicted with the flu is anyone's guess, not that I'm in any way wishing to have any kind of philosophical or medical discussion about it.

That aside, although any sympathetic female who wishes to be Florence Nightingale for an hour or so is more than welcome to mop my brow, providing she doesn't mind there's a distinct possibility she might get the dreaded lurgy as a reward.  As for entering into any sort of meaningful conversation is nigh on impossible due to the repetitious monotone of my voice declaring to the world 'O woe is me, woe is me!  Forsooth I not be far from kicking the bucket!'

Of course, in that time honoured fashion that the male species finds incredibly amusing, yes Tony jr and Dino I'm publicly naming you, they both think it's highly hilarious to make me laugh and then listen to me collapse into a coughing fit, which registers 6.5 on the Richter scale.  With friends and sons like this, who needs enemies.  Yes, I know that I'm moaning but I'm allowed, after all you're not suffering as I am, not that I'd want you to....unless you're Tony and Dino and then I can ignore my more gentler side for a while.

The only good thing to come out of this, is that I can lie on the sofa and watch endless old movies, blasts from the past, ones that moulded the young idiot into an even older one.  If nothing else, whilst I'm dying from flu, anything that placates the mind and causes me to ignore the snuffles can only be a good thing.  Besides the good thing for you is that I'm not prattling on about the British general election, which this time round has stirred my long lost interest in British politics, apart from always having an interest in Scotland finally becoming free of those south of the border.

There I'll leave it until next time, when hopefully I'll be feeling much better and I can carry on drivelling on endlessly about nothing in particular.  Oh my poor nose, does a river really run as fast as you do?

Welcome to the new look!

I'm sure that the changes to the blog will come as a bit of a shock, not least the colour scheme and the new layout.  Be that as it may, and by now I hope the surprise has lessened a little, in line with my more cheery outlook I've decided to brighten things up a bit.

I've been mulling over the changes for a while and at 1:30am on a Sunday morning I finally got on with it, resulting in a colour scheme that resembles the sun on a drug induced high.  My reasons for the change are simple, I wanted some colour, so that all of the text and images stood out and you could see things more clearly.  The one thing that did concern me about the previous layout was that it appeared washed out and looked confusing, to my eyes at least.  I think that everything is much better defined and easier on the eye.  Let me know if you agree or disagree with the new changes and layout.

As for my recently published book, 'Nick & Jenny', I'd be grateful if you could mention it to your families, friends, people at work and so on.  I might also add that I hope to publish my next book, 'Danny's Navel Adventure' in June/July time.  Danny's Navel Adventure is a comedy about a man who goes off into the world to find answers to the one question that bothered him, whether or not he'd ever been in love.  The final draft has now been done, and apart from designing a front cover and a few cosmetic changes it is finished.

Ok, just a quickie for this posting and I'll catch up with you soon.  Take care, and remember to keep smiling!

General election & a dream coming true!

The past week has seen me not getting to bed much before 2am everyday, waking up 5 hours later, completely dishevelled and looking like a zombie, which isn't all that newsworthy in the great scheme of things.  Of course the news from Britain is that Gordon Brown, a dour Scot who wanted to climb Arthur's seat in Edinburgh, got lost on the way there and somehow ended up becoming the British prime minister.  So the moral of the tale is, if you want to avoid becoming prime minister, don't lose your way when going to Arthur's seat.

Yes, another general election, when all the senior politicians will pose in front of cameras, trying their hardest to appear as matronly as possible whilst at the same time falling over themselves to become the butt of many fashion jokes.  Men get off easily, wearing as they do those boring dark suits by Armani, Boss etc, and so remain as bland and banal as ever.  The politician is no different to the banker, in for what they can get, whilst refusing to give anything out.  The thing is though we know that we can't trust bankers, but we should be able to trust politicians.  Alas poor politician, I never knew him that well, so it's hardly surprising that politicians, on the hustings, standing proudly on soap boxes, mingling with real folk, want to get away to play a bit of a blinder and get elected to 'serve' the needs of the electorate; which is nonsense in the vast majority of cases.

There are some very good politicians, but these are generally too busy doing the work they were elected to do and so don't get much of a mention.  The problem with political life is that to get known you have to enter the dog fighting arena, or should that be the 'cock pit', where an uncanny ability to blow your own trumpet helps enormously.  Sadly, the most successful politicians seem to be those not doing the things they were elected for.  But anyway, the next few weeks will see the media feeding frenzy, which will be stuffing itself on a vast amount of inconsequential rubbish, no doubt helped along by an amount of hot air dangerously close to melting more of the arctic ice cap, which in turn will threaten the good people of Greenland as it becomes ever more liable to disappear due to rising sea levels.

On a more personal note, having finally got my book published, click here for a copy, I've sold a few and whilst I'm as much in the dark about what people like to read as the next man, I've already received some wonderful feedback about it.  Clearly I'm under no illusions that this book is likely to make my fortune, but it somehow makes you feel that you're contributing to someone's life in a positive way.  As my son, Tony, pointed out last night good reviews are one thing but also bad reviews are a possibility too; yes, my son likes to keep his dad's size nines firmly planted, and rightly so.  So bad reviews will come and I don't really mind that providing it's constructive because that always helps, no matter how negative it might appear.  Besides my ego's not that big and I'm unlikely to use the self destruct button at worse, or for that matter run naked around the city shouting 'Woe is me, woe is me' or some other fanciful quote from 17th century England.

However, as a final note, and now I'm having to market the book which for me is an oxymoron, no idea what it means but I've always liked the word, I would ask all of you to spread the word and ask friends etc to download the free sample of the book, it only takes a couple of minutes.  Or if you're feeling generous and want to see this old miserable git move ever closer to his ultimate dream of following the one love he can aspire to and achieve, then please buy it.  I've left the price of the book low, so that I don't have to compete against the price of a starbucks coffee.

Many thanks everyone who has supported me, and helped make a lifelong dream happen.  From little acorns do mighty oak trees grow, or in my case 'From wriggling tadpoles to who ate all the pies' hell, he needs to do something to help him smile! :-)

I'm living the dream

Well I could crush a grape!  After 4 decades, it sounds so much better than 40 years, I've finally become a published author.  Yes, those long, far off days when I was still a child, scribbling away on scraps of toilet paper, inventing all kinds of weird and wonderful worlds, where I was so free and there was nothing but mythical goodness around me, I've finally got there!

At the moment I'm too tired to let this sink in and enjoy it for the triumphant moment it undoubtedly is.  As I discovered last night, where I didn't get to bed until 5am this morning, followed by 5 or 6 hours of disturbed sleep, the wait for publishing acceptance was full of nervous anticipation.  The only thing I can liken it too is awaiting the birth of my son Tony Jr, but even here that particular event seemed less stressful; perhaps that has something to do with being present at the birth and watching the whole process.

So there we are, I'm an author and whilst I accept that I'm unlikely to be as mighty as the great Hemingway, as a first published novel I'm happy with it.  Of course we now enter the world of reader reviews, critics and I dare say some comments which aren't complimentary, but I've done it!  And the one thing that can't be taken away is the fulfillment of a young child's dream against all the odds.

And now I've got the bit between the teeth, said the old nag on its way to the knackers yard, whilst I can still breath there's still life in the old dog, I just love idioms, and the next book is already being worked on and the final draft written. What I can say at this stage, is that the second novel is a comedy and much different to the first.

Thanks again to everyone who's congratulated me, I really do appreciate the kind words. Oh and as a final bit of good news within a few hours of being published the book had already begun to stimulate some interest.  If you are one of those individuals who has shown an interest, I thank you.

Now I'm off to some well earned rest, coffee and food!

Obama 1...Toni 1....a happy draw!

I realise that it's been a while since my last blog entry, 2 March, and I apologise to my long suffering, but loyal, readers for my absence.  The reason for my absence is due to illness, that and having a brain which turned into a watery mess of epic proportions, and which couldn't, for love or money, string a sentence together longer than two words and which included 'idiot'.  To some this may well indicate that I've finally become coherently fluent in my use of the English language; to others it may well confirm I've finally gone gaga.

The good news today is that the USA has finally got over itself and President Obama has succeeded in getting through his health reforms.  It has always struck as somewhat perverse that the richest country on earth, until now, never had universal health care.  Maybe that's due to my never having to go without health care when I needed it and at virtually no cost.  Of course you can argue that state run health services are deficient in one way or another, but as decent, affordable health care is a basic need I can't agree that it should be denied to those who need it simply because they don't have the necessary health insurance, or because that health insurance is cancelled due to reasons of cost.  Anyway, congratulations President Obama and all those voted for the health care reforms.

On a much happier note, despite the drastic need for sleep having been up until 3am the past few nights, I've almost completed all the preparations I need to make for publishing my book, 'Nick & Jenny'.  At the moment it will only be published in ebook form, and hopefully in time it will be published in print form.  When it's published details will be given as soon as I have them so you can get your copy.  I will also give details about the cost of the ebook then; as for the price of the ebook itself, I'm trying to keep the cost as low as possible but this depends on the publisher.

In a way, once published, the book fulfills a lifelong dream I've always had, but until now never thought for one moment it could ever happen.  Will this be my one and only book?  No, there are further manuscripts waiting for the final draft to be completed.  As for the future direction of my writing, I would hope it never gets stuck in one sort of genre, and that if my writing apprenticeship has taught me anything over the last decade, it is I'll write whatever concerns me at the time.

There I'll leave it as it's getting late again, and I must be getting tired as the Beatles are sounding good on the radio.  Have fun whatever you're doing when you read this.  And keep smiling...unless you want to lose weight, in which case frowning and being miserable burns more calories.

Living the life of a turnip!

One of the most useful things I ever learnt at university was the value of having a period of time set aside so I became 'brain dead'.  During this particular time, normally coinciding with the early evening's soap operas between 5.30pm and 8pm, I would stare at the television and submerge myself in a world of complete banality, so inane and splendidly abandoning any thought of real consequence.  Such a scene could be best described as a turnip limply lounging about in true couch potato style.

But such salad days are long gone, yet the urge to take the time out remains, if only to escape the dreariness of coping with an increasingly hostile world.  Hostile in the sense that no matter the personal or professional accomplishments, the latter by far more revered or scorned by others than the former, these will never be enough and like any pugilist only as good as the last win in the boxing ring. Yet the search continues that fulfills the desire to avoid life as we know it!

Which brings me to a continuing fascination with that ever growing social networking monster, Facebook.  To be sure Facebook has its critics, but millions of users can't be wrong and apart from its obvious strength of being able to reconnect people, it's a place full of things that enable you to become a very happy turnip again.  Now I realise there are many who have no desire to be, or become, a turnip; but the fact remains if being a turnip is not your thing, you can become a hunky swede, a saucy tomato or a pickled cabbage.  And don't let anyone tell you any different, it's fun!

At a purely academic, therefore at the onset of becoming cerebrally challenged, level Facebook represents some form of anarchist utopia, underpinned by wonderful delusions of gloriously psychotic granduer, which is firmly anchored in a model of Marxist revolution.  Join and you never become homeless, never made redundant, have a never ending supply of money, everyone is equal, and if so inclined you can wander around the place in various states of outrageous undress.  You can become transgendered, mincing it up so much that any hetrosexual neanderthal man would be proud to call you 'mate'.

But it's becoming a turnip again that is fascinating, because no matter how hard you try to take it seriously, Facebook jumps up and bites yer bum when you least expect it.  Lonely?  Visit 'YoVille', meet in the courtyard and chat aimlessly with a rather funky human cartoon, until they bore the crap out of you.  Not an ounce of conscience is felt when he dumps she and she dumps him.  Wave the magic wand and zap the living daylights out of someone who is being immensely boorish, sexist, racist and every obnoxious form of human delight.  Still not happy, then follow the arrows and end up at the beach and make whoopee by throwing water balloons at others.  Still bored, go big game fishing and look out for several out of work shark actors on the prowl for a free lunch.  That doesn't do it for you?  There's always the fun of motobike racing, gambling at the casino, adopting a pet, buying a bigger pad so you've got more space to rest your weary turnip head. 

It rocks being a turnip!

Graveyards, gimp and the decline into senility!

As we move towards the joys of spring, you know all those lovely, brave, flowers poking their head above the trench tops, birds noisily arguing and sorting territories out whilst chirping incessantly 'location, location, location, the mind naturally welcomes the thought of longer days.  If nothing else, this past winter, now finally buggering off into a receding memory, matching the ever hastening receding hairline, it's been a very long one and never ending.  But we can look back on it with some affection and a careless smile, which lasts all of 2 minutes on my ugly mug, knowing that it'll be back before Jack Frost can say 'I saw Santa Claus coming down the central heating flue, chimneys being a distant memory.

It's a happy time for there's the good weather ahead, the rain, the blue grey hues of fluffy clouds, prancing about in the azure sky.  Then there's the stroll along the river to one of my more favoured spots, the graveyard where I can hang about with a lot of people who don't mind listening to you moaning about the state of the economy, and patiently let you prattle on about this or that.  As a passing thought at this moment in time, perhaps if I was to become an actor I'd love to perform Hamlet there, at least the audience would have some real appreciation of the 'Alas poor Yorick, I knew him well' speech, as I hold his skull in my hand.  Graveyards and renditions of Shakespeare are vastly underrated as natural bedfellows in my opinion.

Be that as it may, I'm slowly plodding through the 4,000 odd photos I took in the US, both trying to put them into categories for a slideshow and do the necessary improvements using GIMP, a wonderful photo editing programme that can be found at www.gimp.org for those so inclined.  There are versions for mac, windows etc and best of all it's free.  As with everything concerned with new software and my mental faculties, or lack of them as I head towards a doddering autumnal season in life, it's a steep learning curve only slightly softened by its immensely forgiving nature and the ability to let me do numerous 'undo' actions due to my lack of technical knowledge being far greater than my boyish enthusiasm for playing silly buggers. But then if it keeps me off the streets and out of trouble, who cares?

Thankfully my life remains absolutely boring, apart from the occasional delight thrown in to keep me on my toes and ones causing enough of a bodily movement to remind me that I'm still breathing, although remembering most things seems to be more troublesome than forgetting them.  That I guess is due to the same problems that King Canute had, more often than not the things we want to hold back we are powerless to do so.